I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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