is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Operation Purity has been aborted
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
