We named our party play list daddy issues
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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