Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
