Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
