he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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