You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
