So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize