After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Randomize
