My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
this boner is exhausting
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
