I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
