The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
