Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
