can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize