i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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