We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
