Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
