so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
