I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
