Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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