i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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