:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
