Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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