have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
