i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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