I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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