Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
