You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Randomize
