Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize