Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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