On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
