Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
