Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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