I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
