You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
