I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
