If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
