Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
