I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
