3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
i am craving dick and cupcakes
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
