People in love make me want to vomit
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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