New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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