Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
