Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize