i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
