I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize