What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
