there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
