dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
