i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
