You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
