I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
