Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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