so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
