watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
