i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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