he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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