you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
