curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
