not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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