Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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