Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize