If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
As shirtless as possible
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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