it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
pop tarts are not kleenex
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
