Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
