haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I could make wine with my vomit
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
