So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
