you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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