my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
